As I approach my graduation and reflect upon the past 7
months, I can honestly say that these past months have been some of the most
challenging of my life, and yet they have also strengthened my testimony
immensely. I have been so grateful and so amazed at the mercy and miracles that
I have seen. Most of you probably know that I’m pregnant and many of you may
know that I am one of those unfortunate people who experiences Hyperemesis
Gravidarum. For those of you who are less familiar with what this is,
Hyperemesis Gravidarum is excessive and severe nausea and vomiting associated
with pregnancy. Those who have it typically lose at least 5-10% of their body
weight and frequently have to be hospitalized for dehydration. In some cases,
sufferers may have to get a feeding tube for nutrition or a Zofran pump placed
for continuous medication to try to control symptoms. It does not just go away
after the first trimester (as typical morning sickness usually does); it can
last for the whole pregnancy. HG also makes a woman 4 times more likely to give
birth prematurely.
I am one of
the lucky ones. I have what could be considered a mild to moderate case of HG. I
managed to finish my clinical rotations and never had to be hospitalized. I was
able to maintain many aspects of my normal life. Many do not have this blessing
and my heart genuinely aches for them and the sacrifices they make to bring
their children into this world. You never know going into it if it’s going to
happen to you. And everyone’s experience with HG is different. In sharing my
experience, I am in no way saying this is how it is for everyone, I just wanted
to raise awareness of how it can be.
My HG has
calmed down a lot since early pregnancy. I woke up this morning and realized,
“Hey I don’t feel like I’m about to puke right now!” This was a big moment for
me. It is amazing to wake it the morning and feel normal. Now that I only puke a couple times every other day or so,
I can appreciate the humor in just how ridiculously sick I was in the beginning.
I sat down the other day and decided to write a list of things that used to (or
still do!) make me throw up because it still kind of blows my mind. Here it is:
·
Lying on my back
·
Waking up in the morning
·
Drinking water
·
Rolling over in bed
·
Bending over- like to put on my shoes or pick
something up off the floor
·
Getting hot- I didn’t blow dry my hair for
months because of this and I lived glued to our small box fan over the summer-
I literally toted it around the house with me
·
Smelling or eating green onions (weirdly the
only food I have ever really reacted to)
·
Going more than 2 hours without eating
·
Sitting for too long- think more than like 40
minutes at a time
·
Walking briskly
·
Showering
·
Riding in the car
·
Brushing my teeth
·
Putting on chapstick
Some of these things are still hard for me but thankfully
most of them are no longer instant puke producers. I look at this and wonder
how I made it through my full-time clinical rotations, and especially seeing
patients starting at 6 am! I know it was not by my own strength. I have never
been so aware of my own weakness, nor have I ever prayed so earnestly, “Please,
please just help me get through this day.” And somehow, He did. I felt the
strength of my family and my sweet husband’s prayers supporting me. I had
moments where I knew I just had to take a break, sit down and try to eat
something or I was going to lose it, but I had patients scheduled back to back
with no breaks in sight. And then
suddenly my next patient would call and say they were running late or they
wouldn’t be able to make it in and I would get my break. I remember kneeling on my memory foam bath
mat (basically my best friend for the past 7 months) after throwing up for
probably the 4th or 5th time that day and just feeling so
overwhelmed and tired and just done with it. And I looked up and the light was
catching the beveled edge of our bathroom mirror just right to make a little
rainbow for me. And it was so pretty and it was like this little message to me,
“This won’t last forever, hang in there.” I know that it is only by the mercy
of God that I made it through. I also could not have done it without my sweet
husband. He was the best support in the world and never complained about having
to pick up the slack in taking care of things because I had no energy to do
things like vacuum or make dinner or do laundry. He took the best care of me.
And I am so grateful for my understanding clinical instructors who had no
problem stepping in for me when I felt like I was going to pass out or had to
run off suddenly and who responded to texts that it was a bad morning and I
would be late with “No worries, just get here when you can.” They made it
possible for me to finish so I didn’t have to push back my graduation. I am
immeasurably grateful to them and everyone else who has supported and prayed
for me over the past 7 months.
For those
of you who know someone with HG and are wondering how to support them, here’s
my experience of what’s helpful and what isn’t. It won’t be the same as anyone
else’s I’m sure, because everyone is different but it’s just my two cents.
Comments that aren’t so helpful:
·
“Hey have you tried…” – the answer is yes. Trust
me when I say that someone who literally cannot stop puking has tried everything
under the sun to stop. Ginger? Did nothing for me. Mint? Made things worse! Eating
a cracker before you get out of bed? Useless when you are throwing up as soon
as you roll over. I know you have good intentions and just don’t want your
friend/sister/whoever to suffer needlessly, but HG often doesn’t respond to
those home remedies and it can get frustrating if people imply that you
wouldn’t be sick if you would just try x, y or z.
·
“How many weeks along are you? Shouldn’t you be
done puking by now?” – HG doesn’t magically go away after 12, 13, 14 weeks. And
trust me, I definitely have moments when I am just so annoyed and think “this
is ridiculous! I am 7 months pregnant. I should not be puking anymore!”
Things that are helpful:
·
Still inviting me to do things, as long as they
not physically strenuous
·
Listening
·
Being willing to roll with the punches- don’t
act surprised or make a big deal out of it when I may have to excuse myself
suddenly
·
Checking in on me and asking how I’m doing
·
Basically just keep me in your prayers and let
me know I am in your thoughts
Like I said, everyone’s experience with HG is different and
many have it much worse than I ever did. But I am so grateful for the love and
support that I have received and I wanted to say thank you to all who have been
there for me. And if you think you may have HG or know someone who does please
check out this website: http://www.helpher.org. It has support, ideas, and great information.
And don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. Zofran has literally saved my
life the last 7 months when other medications did literally nothing for me. However,
some healthcare providers can be reluctant to prescribe it. If your meds aren’t
working for you, you need to let your healthcare provider know. You aren’t just
weak and it’s not in your head. If your healthcare provider gives you a hard
time, find a new one! And hang in there, it really won’t last forever.
