Treading Water

 Well this week is the big week! Katie and Kendall get married on Saturday! I am sooo excited but also have been sooo busy getting everything together for the virtual bridal shower (which was a blast and worked out beautifully) and helping out with wedding plans. I feel like I blinked and summer is winding down and it is starting to get chilly in the mornings again. What a strange year 2020 has been. I feel like I just don't even know what to say about the last three weeks since I last wrote. I work, I do laundry, I meal plan, I grocery shop, I take Levi to soccer practice and do speech therapy with Emery, I read the news way too much and worry about the fires that are ravaging the west coast again already even though fire season has just barely started, I listen to audiobooks and ponder my own role in being anti-racist and raising anti-racist kids, I take my kids to parks, I eat icecream in the evenings with my husband after the kids are in bed, I work on custom projects for our house (a custom metal sign for the laundry room, a custom cover for the ironing board, a media shelf for the living room, etc), and I wedding plan (outfits for our family, decor for the dinner after the wedding, the virtual bridal shower, etc). That's pretty much it. On these Sundays when I take some time to ponder and reflect I wonder about my life. About whether I am living to my full potential. I do feel isolated still. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and children but I miss feeling connected to a ward. I wonder if I should be doing more service and if so, how? How can I be a better friend and neighbor? How can I enjoy motherhood more and really connect with Levi? My relationship with God still feels distant. I read, I pray, but I don't feel connected. It's like I'm treading water in my life. It's not ice water and I don't feel like I'm drowning or anything. There are some really nice moments, like last night when my husband and I took the kids and got pizzas and took them to the park to eat and play and the weather was perfect and we all had fun playing tag. But do I feel joy? Like on the daily? Should I?

Anyway, I don't have answers to any of these questions right now. And so I keep on, treading that water of my life. 

Levi's soccer team lined up to clap the other team at the end of a game. No handshakes or high fives during COVID!!

I just love it when she reads books to her babies. 

Emery likes the shoes I got for Katie's wedding even more than I do! Haha

Levi demonstrating how he can pick Emery up. 

Soap beard!

Early morning breakfast picture. The kids chose the filter for this one. I never usually use filters but I do love this in the black and white! 

My kids are way better at a duck face than me! 

Took the kids to the zoo on Friday. It was nice to get out and do something together but totally overpriced considering the thing Levi wanted to do most was just play on the playground which we could do elsewhere for free. 

 

This was probably the most interested Emery was about any of the animals at the zoo, probably because it was directly eye level with her. 

Guess this cute girl likes reptiles haha

 

BEFORE

 

AFTER

This bob is just soooo cute I can barely stand it. Perfect for her sassy personality. And for her first haircut she did surprisingly well! Didn't cry at all and didn't squirm too much either. Mostly just sat there looking angsty haha 

While I am pretty disappointed that we didn't get to enjoy our yard much this summer thanks to the chiggers, I am pretty pleased at how well our salvia and lantanas have grown up! This picture doesn't really do it justice but I love looking out my window in my room and seeing a whole array of blues, reds, whites, yellows and oranges. And I love seeing the honey bees on the flowers and feeling like I'm helping out the local pollinators.