To say that the last four weeks have been challenging would be an understatement. They will probably go down as some of the hardest weeks of my life. Thanks to this cute little jellybean who will be joining our family in September! (theoretically! Haha. Levi taught me not to put too much store in due dates).
I knew going into it that this pregnancy, like my others, would be hard. But I severely underestimated the degree of fatigue that I am experiencing this time around. The fatigue and moodiness started soooo early too! Just around 4 weeks I was already feeling tired and emotional. I was just SURE I was having twins. But after two ultrasounds so far the OBs assure me that there's just one baby in there. I guess my body is just overreacting to pregnancy as usual. The nausea, vomiting and hyper-production of saliva set in at 5 weeks 1 day. Thankfully, I was able to call my OB and get my Zofran called in right away so I've had that from the beginning this time. But I've had to keep gradually ramping it up from 4mg/day to now when I'm on 12-16mg/day in order to keep the vomiting under control. And while the Zofran is generally effective at letting me keep down some food and liquids and keeping vomiting to a minimum (usually just 1x/day although yesterday I threw up 3x), it does incredibly little to help with the nausea. The nausea and food aversions are INTENSE and it is just miserable. I have to force-feed myself because I have zero appetite and I have to do it every 2 hours something with protein or the nausea gets even worse (jumps to an 8-9/10 instead of hanging out at 4-5/10 which is pretty constant with maybe a few good half hours sprinkled throughout the day when I am distracted). I have found that an over-exertion can mean a huge spike in nausea and can cause vomiting and unfortunately things like picking up Levi's socks and putting them in the laundry upstairs counts as over-exertion. I have been more or less couch or bed-bound for the last 4 weeks. Yesterday, I really wanted to go to Target and get a baby shower gift for my friend and take it to her at her drive-by shower yesterday afternoon. I was feeling kind of ok in the morning but then I think I went too long without sitting or lying down and taking a break and my body like lost it. I threw up 3 times and ended up on the couch for the next 4 hours sleeping on and off. I was so disappointed and discouraged. I cried a lot yesterday. Actually, I've cried a lot over the last four weeks. I'm usually such a competent, go-go-go kind of person. I feel like I've lost myself. I am soooo grateful for my wonderful husband who has really taken on as much as he possibly can and tried to make this as easy for me as possible but I miss myself. And I am sooo grateful for all my family who have really stepped up to watch my kids for me but that means that I am barely seeing them and I miss them. I miss myself, I miss my kids and I miss my life and it just makes me sad. Yesterday, I was really down about all of that so I posted on one of my HG support groups and asked how others cope. I am grateful for the understanding of these other women who know how I feel. Multiple people have suggested therapy and I am considering it to help me get through this. I am also going to try acupuncture for the first time tomorrow. Maybe it will do nothing but maybe it will help?
Anyway, on top of all the difficulties of having HG, February was kind of a rough month for North Texas in general! First, the kids' school had an outbreak of COVID and so had to close for 2 weeks. I'm sooo over COVID.
Then, I got my second COVID shot which was ROUGH! It made me feel absolutely awful (you know, on top of the overall awful that I already was feeling). I had a fever and muscle aches and thank heaven my caseload is low at work right now so I could pretty much just lie on the couch and watch RELIAS training videos and it counted as work! Haha. But I am so glad that is over and that the fever and stuff only lasted for a day and now I am fully vaccinated!
Then, after that, Snowpocalypse hit. We were hit with severe winter weather that this area is completely unprepared for. We left our pipes running at night but they still froze and then when they did thaw they burst. So we had no running water from Monday until Sunday when miracle-worker Papi was able to come out and fix things for us. Through that week, the roads were covered in snow and ice making it even harder than usual to get groceries and everyone's power and internet were fluctuating on and off meaning mostly all cancelations at work. We were very blessed and managed to keep power and heat throughout the week but many around us were not so lucky. Some people's houses got very cold due to loss of power and they had to go stay with family or in community warming centers. Many people experienced frozen and broken pipes which caused flooding and property damage. The kids' school had flooding which meant they were closed not just during the snow but for a couple days afterwards so the damage could be repaired.
Then this week we also had a freak hailstorm that caused hail damage to both our cars and terrified my children. Poor Emery didn't fall asleep till after 10pm that night because she was so traumatized and wouldn't let Eric leave her room.
Through all of this, I have been amazed by the generosity and care we have received from so many helpers. Our neighbors let us come over to use their toilets, friends in the ward let us come shower at their house and do our laundry, (us meaning Eric because I haven't been capable of doing laundry in weeks), many people offered us bottled water and jugs of water, we've been recipients of meals and doordash gift cards. When Eric went to OR last weekend for Derek's wedding, Shannon took me and the kids in for weekend and totally 100% took care of us so I could just lie on the couch and rest and she and her kids cared for and entertained my kids the whole time. Papi came over last Sunday and dug through our yard, found where the broken pipes connected to the main, disconnected them and repaired the main for us. Nona has done our laundry, Shannon and Kristie and Valerie and Carma and Dawnelle have all pitched in to take care of my kids on days they aren't at daycare. I don't know how we would have made it through the last four weeks without all of this Christlike service others have done for us. It has truly been humbling and amazing.
I don't know what the next seven months are going to be like for us. During my dark moments, I feel like it's going to be like this forever and I will be trapped in this overwhelmingly nauseous exhausted state always. But a little part of me is still hopeful. Hopeful that the fatigue will lessen once the placenta is done forming. Hopeful that the nausea will calm down as I progress. Hopeful that, while I may have to stay medicated and deal with all the lovely side-effects of Zofran, that I will be able to return to some semblance of functioning. I am dreaming of summer days with better weather when more people are vaccinated to protect from COVID and I have more energy and can see and hang out with my friends- maybe take the kids to the splash pad, go visit my family in CA, have friends over for dinner and hang out in our backyard. I am trying to fix that in my mind like a carrot to keep me going. That, and the knowledge that 7 months from now we will have a sweet new little member of our family who will be adorable and snuggly and perfect.
