Flush goes the Potty

 

Wow, I can't believe that it been over a month since I wrote a blog post. I kept meaning to but it's been a bit of a busy month. First, there was Katie and Kendall's wedding which was beautiful and wonderful and perfect (pictures from that to go on a different blog post which I am not going to write tonight haha)! Then it was General Conference (which was exactly what I needed to hear and sooo refreshing after the agonizing experience of watching the first presidential "debate" the previous Wednesday), then one Sunday I was busy all day doing my TMR TOTs course (which was very cool, very applicable and I'm excited to see how it works for my babies with torticollis! I'm already trying it with three of my kiddos and they all are seeing modest but good results with it so far!) and then the last two weeks I have been doing an emotional resiliency class through church for an hour on Sunday afternoons. I REALLY like the class. Time seems to fly by and I wish we had longer to talk about each subject. And I really like the format. It pairs gospel teachings with sound mental health knowledge and practices of the day and I like that it includes having an accountability partner and commitments we agree to each week. I feel like I would love to do the whole class again because each week I feel like I would like to delve even deeper into each topic and practice them in my life. I haven't been the best at keeping my commitments yet but I have been trying to do one of them pretty consistently which is writing down one unique thing each day that I am grateful for. I feel like that has been helpful for me. A couple of weeks ago, Katie texted and asked me what small, day-to-day things in life make me happy, and I couldn't hardly think of anything! And that made me a little sad and made me really think about myself and where I am emotionally. So writing down my grateful things has been a little helpful in helping me to realize that there are little good things each day and that these little things do bring me joy. I don't spend much time being bubbly happy. But I do feel satisfaction, pride in my children/patients/my accomplishments, and contentment with things. I don't laugh super often but I do smile at my children when they're funny or sometimes when Eric and I are hanging out together and our conversation turns ridiculous. I feel like maybe sometimes I put undue pressure on myself or just wonder "Am I happy enough?" "Am I supposed to be feeling more warm, carefree, peace and joy?" "Does my lack of exuberance or excitement mean I'm depressed?" "Are my emotions being dampened by some sort of hormonal imbalance or something?" "Or is this all just because I am an adult raising small children during troubling times and coping with the stresses of my many responsibilities?" I realize that I have nothing to gauge my own life or emotions against. With a lack of close friends in my stage of life, I don't have a lot of other mothers I can chat with about personal things. I still long for that but am not sure how to foster such relationships at this time. Especially as the weather is turning colder and rainier and COVID still limiting indoor activities,  the last two playdates I've had planned with other mamas have both had to be canceled due to the weather. And I find myself reading about other people's fictional friendships in the novels I like while wishing I had some like theirs of my own.

Anyway, the election is growing nearer and nearer and I feel like the weight of it is pressing down so much. I just can't wait for it all to be over! I took several hours the other night researching which judges to vote for. I feel like most people don't and many people just vote down party lines but I feel like that is not a good way to judge a judge. They're supposed to be impartial and their personal political party theoretically shouldn't matter. So I looked at their peer reviews from the Houston Bar Association and the Dallas Bar Association and read articles. And putting together all those things I feel like I've been able to decipher who I feel will best align with my values. One of the articles I read this morning really showed me that I and the people of Texas have a chance right now to stand up to systemic racism and really do something about the BLM movement. One of the judges up for reelection to the Texas Court of Appeals has done things that are inherently wrong and racist. We have the opportunity now to vote him out and put a more fair judge in his place. But the incumbent is republican and I fear he will win in spite of everything just because most people don't even know anything about him and just vote for his because he has those three little letters (Rep) next to his name on the ballot. I posted about it on Facebook (I had stepped away for a while but unfortunately I have backslid and am battling the habit again) and presented the evidence and pleaded with my TX friends not to vote for him. But my post got remarkably ignored. I only had three likes (all from out of state friends). Which is disheartening. Especially considering that if I post about our house projects, I get 50+ likes and comments. People seem to care more about what my half bath looks like than about standing up for justice. Which is sad and frustrating. But maybe it is just the Facebook algorithms? I know people don't want to get involved in political discussions online and I totally get that, but this year, for me, it's not politics. We're talking about basic human rights and decency. No political party should be ok with the fact that black men are 7 times more likely to be wrongfully convicted than white men. Or that they take 3 years longer on average to be exonerated (when they are)! So I will cast my vote and pray but I do so with a heavy heart that things are not going to change. The Sacrament meeting talks today were about hope, but I find it hard to be hopeful about society and the world right now. 

So yeah, when I haven't been thinking about politics and social justice and taking continuing education courses and emotional resiliency classes, our family has been keeping pretty busy with other things. We finished our half bath and our laundry room is 90% done being decorated. Papi and I built a shelf yesterday for our soundbar in our living room so that Eric and I can finally ditch that old ikea entertainment center that takes up a bunch of space unnecessarily. 

When I was installing the faucet (the final piece of this bathroom reno), I was struggling with some of the nuts being on very tight. Emery was with me and saw me struggling and she was like "Only Papi. Wait Papi." Haha! Apparently, she thought I should wait for Papi to come and help me with it. It was so cute! But I did manage to get the troublesome nuts loosened all by myself. I did the faucet and Eric did the drain and it all went much smoother than the ones in our bathroom did! Guess we've learned a few things. 

We went to the ward trunk or treat on Friday and the kids had a blast while I froze in the 48 deg weather handing out candy to littles in adorable costumes.

Cutest little ladybug ever!

 

And a very handsome pirate king as well :)

They barely made it in the door before they were diving into their candy! 

 Eric and I took the kids to a pumpkin patch on Friday and Emery and Levi both LOVED the bounce house slides and obstacle courses and Emery had a lot of fun riding the ponies too and didn't want to get off when the ride was over. We picked out pumpkins to carve this week and we have some friends we plan to trick or treat with on Halloween. 

Not the best picture of the kids but hey at least they're hugging each other! Haha

Activity days is also going well and keeping me busy now that we are back to having two activities a month. We have a few new girls in our ward since COVID and it makes me glad to see them interacting with the other girls and getting to know them. I want our girls to develop strong friendships with each other because I know personally how important that is when you are a teenager trying to live the gospel in a world where you are in the distinct minority. 

Oh! Also, I can't believe I didn't think to write about this till the end but we officially started potty training Emery! It's been a week and a day now and it's going all right. Last Sunday was our worst day and she still only had 6 accidents which isn't nearly as bad as we had it with Levi when we first started potty training him. And by now she usually only has one pee accident a day. Unfortunately, she has still not yet pooped on the potty. Poor girl's bowels kind of freaked out about the whole potty training thing and she held in all her poop for 5 days! So then, of course, she had a blowout. But since the holding of the poop got her constipated I started giving her prunes and now she is pooping multiple times a day but never in the potty. Yesterday she pooped in the bath. Twice. It was soo gross!! And the worst part is that the kids were taking a bubble bath so all the bubble foam totally covered it up and I had no idea she had done it till I went to wash Levi's hair and noticed that the water was a weird color. I had been letting them play for a while so who knows how long they were playing in poop water?? EWWWW! But thankfully my saint of a husband cleaned the tub for me while I washed the kids thoroughly all over again in the guest bathtub. Anyway, so I read a bunch of blog posts and I've got a few ideas I'm going to try to help her start pooping on the potty. Hopefully, it happens sooner rather than later! 

She looks so grown up with her hair cut and her Halloween jammies! 

He calls this his "Toots machine" and can barely contain himself from laughing when he told me its name. Such a typical boy haha. 

We got to go celebrate Silva's birthday with her family and Papi and Nona and I captured this sweet moment between Emery and Papi. I love the bond they have. 

Had some yard sale success lately and scored this adorable dress for just a couple of dollars. Love me those great finds! 

Levi told me that this is the temple and the blue part is Angel Moroni blowing his horn. 

Silva and Emery playing together conference weekend. 

I'm pretty sure I have the cutest kids on the planet.

Levi, Emery and I created this extensive house with a roof for all their little animal creatures. Levi's attempt at a "cheese" looks so painful haha! 

In case you were wondering what happens if you try to bake cornbread without any baking powder, here you go! Flat and pale as a pancake! It was awful and I threw it away, much to Levi's chagrin because apparently he actually liked it like that! 

Treading Water

 Well this week is the big week! Katie and Kendall get married on Saturday! I am sooo excited but also have been sooo busy getting everything together for the virtual bridal shower (which was a blast and worked out beautifully) and helping out with wedding plans. I feel like I blinked and summer is winding down and it is starting to get chilly in the mornings again. What a strange year 2020 has been. I feel like I just don't even know what to say about the last three weeks since I last wrote. I work, I do laundry, I meal plan, I grocery shop, I take Levi to soccer practice and do speech therapy with Emery, I read the news way too much and worry about the fires that are ravaging the west coast again already even though fire season has just barely started, I listen to audiobooks and ponder my own role in being anti-racist and raising anti-racist kids, I take my kids to parks, I eat icecream in the evenings with my husband after the kids are in bed, I work on custom projects for our house (a custom metal sign for the laundry room, a custom cover for the ironing board, a media shelf for the living room, etc), and I wedding plan (outfits for our family, decor for the dinner after the wedding, the virtual bridal shower, etc). That's pretty much it. On these Sundays when I take some time to ponder and reflect I wonder about my life. About whether I am living to my full potential. I do feel isolated still. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and children but I miss feeling connected to a ward. I wonder if I should be doing more service and if so, how? How can I be a better friend and neighbor? How can I enjoy motherhood more and really connect with Levi? My relationship with God still feels distant. I read, I pray, but I don't feel connected. It's like I'm treading water in my life. It's not ice water and I don't feel like I'm drowning or anything. There are some really nice moments, like last night when my husband and I took the kids and got pizzas and took them to the park to eat and play and the weather was perfect and we all had fun playing tag. But do I feel joy? Like on the daily? Should I?

Anyway, I don't have answers to any of these questions right now. And so I keep on, treading that water of my life. 

Levi's soccer team lined up to clap the other team at the end of a game. No handshakes or high fives during COVID!!

I just love it when she reads books to her babies. 

Emery likes the shoes I got for Katie's wedding even more than I do! Haha

Levi demonstrating how he can pick Emery up. 

Soap beard!

Early morning breakfast picture. The kids chose the filter for this one. I never usually use filters but I do love this in the black and white! 

My kids are way better at a duck face than me! 

Took the kids to the zoo on Friday. It was nice to get out and do something together but totally overpriced considering the thing Levi wanted to do most was just play on the playground which we could do elsewhere for free. 

 

This was probably the most interested Emery was about any of the animals at the zoo, probably because it was directly eye level with her. 

Guess this cute girl likes reptiles haha

 

BEFORE

 

AFTER

This bob is just soooo cute I can barely stand it. Perfect for her sassy personality. And for her first haircut she did surprisingly well! Didn't cry at all and didn't squirm too much either. Mostly just sat there looking angsty haha 

While I am pretty disappointed that we didn't get to enjoy our yard much this summer thanks to the chiggers, I am pretty pleased at how well our salvia and lantanas have grown up! This picture doesn't really do it justice but I love looking out my window in my room and seeing a whole array of blues, reds, whites, yellows and oranges. And I love seeing the honey bees on the flowers and feeling like I'm helping out the local pollinators. 

Big Girl

 My Emmie Mae went #2 in the potty today! She has been going pee on the potty fairly regularly over the past week which is super exciting but today before nap she said she needed to go poo and then she went and did it on the potty! She is so proud of herself and so am I! I'll be honest I've been kind of resisting potty training her but maybe it's time for me to go out and get her some big girl underwear! I feel like with her, I am so much more willing to keep her a baby than I was with Levi. With Levi I was (and maybe still am) always pushing him a little bit to the next milestone and expecting more maturity whereas with Emery I nursed her longer and coddle her more. Which is interesting because with their personalities, Levi actually wants to be helped more whereas Emery wants to be more independent with everything! It's odd, now that I think about it and realize that I push my more timid child and baby my independent one! Probably Levi could use a little more snuggles and patience and Emery a few more chances to be challenged. I know that if I do, she will surprise me. Like the potty training thing. Or the fact that she is very quickly learning all her colors. 

In other news, Levi started soccer season again. He had his first game yesterday. It's crazy how much difference a year can make! Even though the boys are only 4 and still play bunch ball, they all attend so much better, get the point of the game and actually understand the lines on the field! Haha. Levi said he had fun at the game but to be honest he only kicked the ball once, for a goal kick. He just doesn't really have the personality to dive into the fray and so he follows at a distance. Maybe he will warm up to it a bit as he gains confidence? He does tend to be hesitant about new things and it was his first game of the season with only 1 practice under his belt (he missed the first two due to having to quarantine thanks to exposure to COVID at school). I hope he actually likes soccer and that I'm not just pushing him into it because I like it! I want him to have fun, and he says he does, but I still wonder if maybe it's just not the best fit for him. He is very into pretending to be a ninja or have superpowers... maybe we should have him try martial arts instead? I think that could be good for him from an anxiety-managing and confidence-building standpoint as well. Maybe we will try that for a winter/spring sport after soccer is over.

Last weekend I got to do a girls' getaway weekend with Katie to go wedding dress shopping in Utah! It was soooo good to see her and get to spend so much one on one time with her before her big day! It was busy because we planned practically the whole wedding in a weekend haha but also relaxing because I could sleep in and didn't have to do any parenting! The moment the freedom hit me the most was when I got my rental car and all I had to do was unlock it, put my bag in the trunk and then get in and go! It was sooo fast and easy! No car seats to install, no kids to buckle, no scrambling to manage a million things. It was so nice! We stayed with Kendall's family while we were there which was super nice because then I got to meet them. They are very sweet and have an exuberant, lively young dog named Spook. Katie and I went to three different dress shops and at shop number three she found her dress! It is GORGEOUS on her and I can't wait to see Kendall's face when he sees her in it! So that was exciting. And also while we were there we got to eat some of my UT favorites I have been missing: Cafe Rio pork, JDawgs and SweetToothFairy cupcakes. We also drove by Oma and Opa's old house and sat on the grass outside their old church building and took a little trip down memory lane. Actually, all of Utah is pretty nostalgic for me.  I just lived there at such a fun and formative time in my life. It's where I had my first boyfriend, chose to serve a mission, chose my career and met and married Eric! I just have so many positive memories there with friends and family and Eric scattered all up and down the Wasatch front. Practically everywhere I went I had a memory of some kind attached to it: dates, good times with friends, family moments. It was odd to be there and try to remember that Auntie Connie's house isn't Auntie Connie's house anymore and that she has passed. Maybe it's because I didn't go to her funeral, but I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn't just drive over by Cottonwood canyon into her neighborhood in Holladay and see her. She is almost simultaneous with Utah in my mind...at least the Salt Lake Valley part of Utah. Thinking of her makes me think of summertime, of fresh cherries from her tree, of swimming in the pool with my siblings and lounging on the inner tubes, of her little black Scottish terrier, of quilts and her store, of Easter Sunday and orange rolls, of playing cards with my aunties at the kitchen table and laughing so hard I practically peed my pants, of Thanksgiving and decorating gingerbread houses, of dear sweet Paul and my cousins and their constant family dramas, of the time they were remodeling their kitchen and I accidentally knocked a heavy clamp and it flew off and hit me in the jaw,  of the time we put so many trick candels on Auntie Mary's cake that she couldn't blow them out and the cake had to be sacrificed to prevent a fire, of the time I got my car stuck in the snow in their culdesac and Paul had to help dig me out, of the time I accidentally backed into Vicki's car and the shocked look on her face as I did but the way she instantly forgave me and never made me pay a cent to fix it, of sitting on the vent by the outside stairs with our towels spread over them to warm up after swimming, of blue and white tiles and soft, slightly flowery scents, and of course of Auntie Connie herself with her dark hair, mischevious eyes, quick laugh, strong opinions and soft hugs. I loved going up to her house while I was at school at BYU. I loved her mirror in the bathroom wreathed with white metal vines. I loved the way she called Paul "Bear." I just love her and miss her and him both. 

Anyway, speaking of family, I also got to see Matt and Greta and their kids and Holly while I was up in Utah. I spent pretty much all of Sunday with them. It was so nice to get to talk to Holly so long without any distractions and catch up on her life. I wish she and I lived closer to each other! And of course, it was so nice to see Matt and Greta and Anson and Ben and Rachel. Rachel is the cutest little chunk who is really into climbing everything. It was so refreshing to see her and remember what typical development is supposed to look like. The way she would just squat down and pick something up from the floor and stand back up and start walking with it like it was nothing was so impressive to me since that's something that the kids on my caseload have to work so hard and practice so much to achieve. It was like a little reality check. Like "oh yeah! That's what it's supposed to look like!" Anyway, and then Ben reminds me so much of Emery both in looks and his loud, exuberant voice! And Anson reminds me of Levi with his creativity and distractability. Our first two children really are so similar in so many ways! 

So yeah, the trip to UT was wonderful and productive and I kind of just want to do it all over again! Haha. But I am very excited for Katie's upcoming wedding and that I will get to see her and the rest of my family (minus Natachia who doesn't want to travel so close to her due date) so soon! We've got our plane tickets and everyone's outfits except mine and it's all just so close and exciting. Poor Katie is stressed with a million things to do but really it's all coming together just fine so far! She and Kendall have got their apartment and she's got her dress and a seamstress doing alterations. They've got their engagement photos done and back and their color scheme picked out. I know it will all be wonderful even though it's a bit sad that they can't have a reception yet due to COVID. I think it will actually make it kind of intimate and nice. And give us all another excuse to see each other next summer to have a big party! Haha. 

Anyway, this is getting long and I should probably go. Life marches on at a pace that surprises me. Summer is already drawing near a close. Eric and I have finished our laundry room (except the decor) and keep going on to the next plans. The kids keep growing and learning. My caseload evolves and changes and I learn too. There are hard things and good things and stressful things and exciting things and boring things. I have walked away from Facebook maybe two weeks ago now and it has been very helpful for me. Now I just have to get my news doomscrolling under control! Haha. Anyway, I leave now with just a few photos of late summer in the Martino household: 

What I wear to do in-home visits. Only since this picture was taken they've also added a huge white hazmat suit for if I have back to back appointments and can't change scrubs in between. Makes me look like a marshmallow and sweat like crazy! 

Emery is so nurturing for her little babies. Lately, I've given up keeping the playroom under control so it usually looks something like this. 

The living room stays nice though which means Eric and I can relax there after the kids are in bed and not feel like we are overwhelmed by toys. 

Our finished laundry room! All that's left is the most fun part: decorating it!! 

Dawnelle sent me this picture while I was in UT. Apparently, Levi asked her to take the picture and send it to me because I would "just love it!" Haha

Despite what her new "cheese" face would suggest, Emery is actually very excited about and loves and her new shoes and dress for Auntie Katie's wedding. 

Of course I couldn't get a picture of them together, but my silly kids had a lot of fun playing at the Hope playground in Frisco. I, as a pediatric PT, was quite impressed by the accessibility and inclusivity of the whole thing!