Look for the Helpers

To say that the last four weeks have been challenging would be an understatement. They will probably go down as some of the hardest weeks of my life. Thanks to this cute little jellybean who will be joining our family in September! (theoretically! Haha. Levi taught me not to put too much store in due dates).

I knew going into it that this pregnancy, like my others, would be hard. But I severely underestimated the degree of fatigue that I am experiencing this time around. The fatigue and moodiness started soooo early too! Just around 4 weeks I was already feeling tired and emotional. I was just SURE I was having twins. But after two ultrasounds so far the OBs assure me that there's just one baby in there. I guess my body is just overreacting to pregnancy as usual. The nausea, vomiting and hyper-production of saliva set in at 5 weeks 1 day. Thankfully, I was able to call my OB and get my Zofran called in right away so I've had that from the beginning this time. But I've had to keep gradually ramping it up from 4mg/day to now when I'm on 12-16mg/day in order to keep the vomiting under control. And while the Zofran is generally effective at letting me keep down some food and liquids and keeping vomiting to a minimum (usually just 1x/day although yesterday I threw up 3x), it does incredibly little to help with the nausea. The nausea and food aversions are INTENSE and it is just miserable. I have to force-feed myself because I have zero appetite and I have to do it every 2 hours something with protein or the nausea gets even worse (jumps to an 8-9/10 instead of hanging out at 4-5/10 which is pretty constant with maybe a few good half hours sprinkled throughout the day when I am distracted). I have found that an over-exertion can mean a huge spike in nausea and can cause vomiting and unfortunately things like picking up Levi's socks and putting them in the laundry upstairs counts as over-exertion. I have been more or less couch or bed-bound for the last 4 weeks. Yesterday, I really wanted to go to Target and get a baby shower gift for my friend and take it to her at her drive-by shower yesterday afternoon. I was feeling kind of ok in the morning but then I think I went too long without sitting or lying down and taking a break and my body like lost it. I threw up 3 times and ended up on the couch for the next 4 hours sleeping on and off. I was so disappointed and discouraged. I cried a lot yesterday. Actually, I've cried a lot over the last four weeks. I'm usually such a competent, go-go-go kind of person. I feel like I've lost myself. I am soooo grateful for my wonderful husband who has really taken on as much as he possibly can and tried to make this as easy for me as possible but I miss myself. And I am sooo grateful for all my family who have really stepped up to watch my kids for me but that means that I am barely seeing them and I miss them. I miss myself, I miss my kids and I miss my life and it just makes me sad. Yesterday, I was really down about all of that so I posted on one of my HG support groups and asked how others cope. I am grateful for the understanding of these other women who know how I feel. Multiple people have suggested therapy and I am considering it to help me get through this. I am also going to try acupuncture for the first time tomorrow. Maybe it will do nothing but maybe it will help?

Anyway, on top of all the difficulties of having HG, February was kind of a rough month for North Texas in general! First, the kids' school had an outbreak of COVID and so had to close for 2 weeks. I'm sooo over COVID.

Then, I got my second COVID shot which was ROUGH! It made me feel absolutely awful  (you know, on top of the overall awful that I already was feeling). I had a fever and muscle aches and thank heaven my caseload is low at work right now so I could pretty much just lie on the couch and watch RELIAS training videos and it counted as work! Haha. But I am so glad that is over and that the fever and stuff only lasted for a day and now I am fully vaccinated!

Then, after that, Snowpocalypse hit. We were hit with severe winter weather that this area is completely unprepared for. We left our pipes running at night but they still froze and then when they did thaw they burst. So we had no running water from Monday until Sunday when miracle-worker Papi was able to come out and fix things for us. Through that week, the roads were covered in snow and ice making it even harder than usual to get groceries and everyone's power and internet were fluctuating on and off meaning mostly all cancelations at work. We were very blessed and managed to keep power and heat throughout the week but many around us were not so lucky. Some people's houses got very cold due to loss of power and they had to go stay with family or in community warming centers. Many people experienced frozen and broken pipes which caused flooding and property damage. The kids' school had flooding which meant they were closed not just during the snow but for a couple days afterwards so the damage could be repaired. 

Eric tied a rope to some Costco boxes and pulled the kids down the street in flat-land style sledding. They LOVED it :) 

The kids built a snowman with their daddy and our neighbor even gave them a little hat to put on it. 

The burst pipe was part of the water softening system that the previous owners had put in. THANK HEAVEN all the flooding occurred outside. We were incredibly blessed on that account. 

Then this week we also had a freak hailstorm that caused hail damage to both our cars and terrified my children. Poor Emery didn't fall asleep till after 10pm that night because she was so traumatized and wouldn't let Eric leave her room.

Through all of this, I have been amazed by the generosity and care we have received from so many helpers. Our neighbors let us come over to use their toilets, friends in the ward let us come shower at their house and do our laundry, (us meaning Eric because I haven't been capable of doing laundry in weeks), many people offered us bottled water and jugs of water, we've been recipients of meals and doordash gift cards. When Eric went to OR last weekend for Derek's wedding, Shannon took me and the kids in for weekend and totally 100% took care of us so I could just lie on the couch and rest and she and her kids cared for and entertained my kids the whole time. Papi came over last Sunday and dug through our yard, found where the broken pipes connected to the main, disconnected them and repaired the main for us. Nona has done our laundry, Shannon and Kristie and Valerie and Carma and Dawnelle have all pitched in to take care of my kids on days they aren't at daycare. I don't know how we would have made it through the last four weeks without all of this Christlike service others have done for us. It has truly been humbling and amazing. 

The kids and their cousins watching the Friend to Friend devotional put on by the church. It was such a cute activity! 

The kids had a BLAST playing with their cousins at Shannon's house. Emery loved wearing Maren's ear muffs around. Here she was insisting on peeling her own orange and not letting me help her. Very much Miss Independent these days. 

Only not so much a Miss Independent when it came to bedtime. At Shannon's house we originally tried to get her to sleep in McKenna's room in a toddler air mattress. But she was scared of everything in the room and took FOREVER to fall asleep and only did conk out when Shannon went in and held her for a while. But then she woke up terrified at 2 am so I ended up just taking her in bed with me. The next night I didn't even bother to try getting her to sleep on her own. I was exhausted anyway so she and I both went to bed at 8. I am pretty sure I fell asleep before she did haha. It wasn't the most restful, sharing a bed with Emery since she constantly wanted to have her head touching my head. But, I was able to send her out in the morning as soon as the older boys woke up in the morning so I was still able to make up on some sleep. 

I don't know what the next seven months are going to be like for us. During my dark moments, I feel like it's going to be like this forever and I will be trapped in this overwhelmingly nauseous exhausted state always. But a little part of me is still hopeful. Hopeful that the fatigue will lessen once the placenta is done forming. Hopeful that the nausea will calm down as I progress. Hopeful that, while I may have to stay medicated and deal with all the lovely side-effects of Zofran, that I will be able to return to some semblance of functioning. I am dreaming of summer days with better weather when more people are vaccinated to protect from COVID and I have more energy and can see and hang out with my friends- maybe take the kids to the splash pad, go visit my family in CA, have friends over for dinner and hang out in our backyard. I am trying to fix that in my mind like a carrot to keep me going. That, and the knowledge that 7 months from now we will have a sweet new little member of our family who will be adorable and snuggly and perfect. 

Levi: "Does it look like a dragon swan?" He has gotten very creative with LEGOs and loves them. I love seeing him come up with his own ideas and make them. 

Shyly proud of her magnatile fence.

Today in microfashion

Back before I was too sick to do stuff like this, I started experimenting with more hairstyles for Emmie including this adorable bun :)

Levi loves colors! He likes to dress as brightly as his wardrobe allows. 

I am amazed at how this girl can sleep ON TOP of her toys. And yet, she won't sleep in pants? How are pants less comfortable than resting your head on top of a plastic doll? I'm confused haha

Last park date with mommy before I got too sick!

Love my little princess

I went upstairs the other day and found that since the advent of Daddy-is-in-charge-of-bedtime-since- Mommy-is-too-wiped-out-by-that-time-to-get-out-of-bed, the toothbrushes in the kids' bathroom have multiplied exceedingly! 

Levi took this picture of me today holding one of the Valentine's day crafts that Emery made at school. Emery tried to take a picture too but hers was just of the floor haha. 

Love my Levi boy! I can't believe this kiddo will be 5 years old on Saturday!! 

In Like a Lion

 Well, it appears that 2021 has decided to come in like a lion. I pray it will go out like a lamb. Not only does COVID continue to relentlessly wreak havoc on the world, this past week saw what could legitimately be called an attempted coup, an assault on our democracy. Trump, as expected, has refused to admit he lost the election and has been so persistent in his calls to upend the results and keep himself in office that his more extremist supports actually stormed the capitol on Tuesday, disrupting the electoral college vote count, sending lawmakers cowering, vandalizing, waving Confederate and Nazi flags in our capitol building and just creating general mayhem. One capitol police officer was killed in the violence as was one of the rioters. Thankfully no other staff or elected representatives were harmed and most of the rioters were unarmed but the whole thing was a shock for sure. Scary and disheartening. I do not understand how the National Guard was not called out sooner and how the rioters were able to breach the Capitol. There was certainly some misconduct on the part of those who are supposed to keep our legislature safe and there have been many that have been quick to point out the evidence of racism in the response of the capitol police to these rioters compared to their response to BLM protestors. Unfortunately, I have to agree. If these rioters were primarily black, I do believe they would have been quashed and quelled and not have been allowed to run freely through the halls of the Congress. To say it is disappointing to see this injustice revealed is an understatement and yet I have a hard time putting into words everything I was feeling as I sat glued to my Newsfeed for several hours on Tuesday evening watching everything unfold. My mother and I, in attempting to process what was happening came to the same conclusion: There are no words. Memes have definitely cropped up expressing how many of us are feeling as this new year starts: "I've had my 7-day trial of 2021 and I have decided I would not like to continue my subscription. 0/5 stars. Would not recommend." Haha. 

Although to be fair, in spite of everything going on in the world, my family is thankfully doing quite well. My parents, Papi, Nona and John (and us) have managed to stay COVID-free so far. I'm on a waitlist to get the COVID vaccine and just learned of another way I can sign up and hopefully get it before the end of January. My job is going fine and Eric and I are doing well financially. Levi and Emery continue to stay healthy and Emery is loving being a big girl and getting to be in the Flamingos class (potty-trained to 6-year-olds) at school. Levi is making great gains academically and getting closer to reading on his own and both kids are generally bright and happy. I have so much to be grateful for as this new year starts. 

Anyway, I realized that my last blog post was actually before my parent's visit and Christmas! Goodness, I just didn't let myself really believe they were coming until they had actually arrived. I guess the pessimistic side of me was just sure something would come up that would prevent it. But it didn't and they got to come! Having my parents here really made the holiday special for all of us. It would not have been the same without them! I loved seeing my kids snuggle with their grandparents and have so much fun playing with them! We got to decorate gingerbread houses, go see Christmas lights, go to the Zoo and just generally spend time together. The kids are at such a magical age for Christmas and were sooo excited on Christmas morning. It was such a delight to see them enthusiastically diving into their stockings and showing just as much interest in ours as well! And in unwrapping presents. And I really loved making some new Christmas traditions with them. We did a good job doing the advent calendar this year (up until the very end) and on Christmas eve we lit a fire in our fireplace and added some candles to our hearth and then turned off the lights and gathered around and read the Christmas story and sang some Christmas hymns. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Just what we needed at the end of a trying year. 

Came out from getting ready on Sunday morning and found Emery snuggled up in my bed "reading" the scriptures. 

Not sure why he felt the need to lean his head down so awkwardly for this picture! Haha but making the gingerbread houses together was a lot of fun. 

Dad was very pleased that his house stayed together better than Mom and mine which fell apart several times before we finally managed to make it stay together! 

Grandma is always up for fun things like playing at the park! 

Yay! Presents!!

At the zoo Emery definitely milked her hold over her father and wanted to be carried rather than walk or ride in the stroller. 

Not sure what she's doing with her hands in this picture... I think she is trying to be cute haha

I often with I had as much enthusiasm for the little pleasures in life as my children do! 

The day after New Years, Eric and I sent the kids off to Dawnelle's house and painted the office!! I was pretty intimidated going into it because I had never painted a ceiling before, but it actually went much more smoothly than I expected and we were able to finish the whole project in a single day. And I LOVE the color I chose for the ceiling. It's exactly what I wanted. 

We also got a new sputnik chandelier which I love. Now I just need to make the Murphy bed and this guest room/office will be complete! 

I am eligible to be in the first round of people to get the COVID vaccine due to my profession as a health care provider... but when I signed up this week I saw just how low I was on the list! Thankfully, I just got word yesterday that my employer is partnering with a hospital in Fort Worth and I should be able to sign up with them to get vaccinated before the end of January. I'm not too worried about myself getting a serious case of COVID but I will be very much relieved when I am no longer a threat to Trey, Patty, my parents, John, and all my little fragile patients! 

My little girl loves her sleep. She doesn't like to go to sleep, but if she happens to fall asleep during naptime she does not like to be awakened! I feel like when I go to get her up from naptime and she peeks an eye at me and then closes it again and snuggles back down with a little sound of protest I get a little glimpse of the girl she is going to grow up to be and I just love her so much! 

Christmas Bells are Ringing

 Well, we have finally arrived. I feel like I have been looking forward to Christmas and preparing for it and dreaming of it for quite a while now. And then today I woke up and realized that this is the last Sunday before Christmas and my parents come in just a couple of days! I am really looking forward to their visit and getting to have two full weeks off of work to just relax and spend time together as a family. I have been especially hard at work this past week making sure that I have less to do while on break. I've been packing my schedule at work to see as many of my kiddos as I can before I go on PTO and prepping all of the end of the month stuff since I will be gone for the actual end of the month. And at home, I've been busy buying and wrapping and cleaning and re-organizing and baking. I'm really glad we've been doing the Light the World advent calendar because I do feel like that has helped me stay focused on the Savior in spite of everything else in my life that threatens to monopolize my thoughts and efforts. I'm grateful for my nativity, the decorations around our house, Christmas lights, presents under the tree, Christmas music all the time, treat plates for us and our neighbors and ministering families, holiday tradition sharing at work, kids' pj party at school and all the cute photos and videos that came home of that and the kids' happiness and excitement about it. I am looking forward to Levi and Emery's reactions to presents on Christmas and to getting to be with grandma and grandpa. Despite coronavirus still ravaging the world all around us, there is much to be grateful for this year. 

Levi's class (Bluejays) all dressed up for their Christmas music performance!

They got to decorate and eat cookies. I had signed up to bring pink and green icing but when I put in my Kroger order for pick up, apparently the store was out of green icing so it substituted red! So the kids in Levi's class only had red and pink icing to decorate with. It was just one of the many things wrong with that Kroger pick up order. 

Levi and his very best friend at school, Jackson. I think they're pretending to be penguins in this picture. 

They also got to watch Scamper the Penguin during their quiet time which really brought back childhood memories when Levi told me about it! 

Emery also got to decorate and eat cookies at the holiday party in her class.

We found out last Friday that Emery will soon be moving out of this toddler class that she is currently in and up to Flamingos which is a primary class like Levi's. I am a bit nervous about the transition for her but Ms Faye is confident that she is ready and that it is the best thing for her at this time. 

The teachers videoed the class doing its performance and I'm so glad they did because it's hilarious. I have no idea what words they are singing most of the time but they are all very enthusiastic haha. 

Check out that single leg stand! 

Acroyoga queen on Daddy's back! 

Levi and Emery created a "city" the other morning while I was cleaning up from breakfast. Levi was very excited to show it all to me, especially the ninjas with their grappling hooks. 

One of the Light the World invitations was to do some art and share it with someone. So last Monday the kids and I spent quite a bit of time raking up the leaves in the front yard and then Levi and Emery collected their favorites and we did art with them. 

Emery wanted to just keep painting and painting. I was only able to get her to stop when I told her that the paper would start to rip and fall apart if she put any more paint on it! And even then there were some tears when it was time to clean up. I love that she and Levi both love art though.