This 4th of July was a reflective one for me. Not only are things different right now due to COVID and social distancing and all but for the first time that I can remember I've been really thinking about how ironic and hollow it was that when the founding fathers declared independence from England and "liberty for all" they didn't actually mean liberty for all. In addition to all the news that Black Lives Matter is getting right now, Eric and I watched Hamilton on Friday (which was SO GOOD) and it really brought these thoughts to the forefront for me. While a few of the founding fathers may have had abolitionist sympathizing thoughts, many were slave owners themselves and certainly did not see black people as people. I've been proud of my ancestors and the roles that they played in the formation of this country. I admire their bravery in leaving behind everything they knew and starting fresh and working hard for the sake of religious freedom and opportunities not available to them in their mother countries. I've been proud to have ancestors who fought in the Revolutionary War. However, my feelings are becoming more complex as I reflect on how these same ancestors did not see Native Americans and black people as fellow human beings. Even if they may have been kind when they came across someone of a different race in person (and I have very little insight into whether or not they were) they were still complicit in the slaughter of native peoples and robbery of their lands. Even though my ancestors did not own slaves (to my knowledge) that was due to lack of financial means rather than any sort of moral high ground. I have ancestors who fought on both sides of the Civil War. At this time in our country, Confederate monuments and statues are being torn down and it is making me realize that I didn't even know those were even a thing. My white privilege again has given me the luxury of being blind to such things. Two weeks ago they tore down a monument to Confederate soldiers and leaders in the Denton Town Square. Many of my coworkers were expressing gratitude that it was gone and one of my black coworkers said she had avoided walking with her son on that side of the square because it had made her feel so uncomfortable. And I hadn't even noticed it. It makes me angry. It makes me sad and frustrated that we as a society haven't come farther in the last 200 years. And yet, I don't know what I can do about it. It just joins a very long list of things that are going wrong or that are bad in the world that I feel I have little to no personal impact on or control over. Coronavirus and all the stubborn, ignorant people who refuse to wear masks because it "infringes upon their liberties" (although I don't see how they think they have the right to go out and infect and potentially kill anyone they want to because they don't want the inconvenience of wearing a simple piece of PPE), climate change which is accelerating at a rapid pace and seriously threatening our natural world and indeed human survival around the world while our awful president is rolling back environmental protections for the sake of money, a very broken healthcare system which gives way too much power to insurance companies and pads the pockets of hospital administrators and insurance CEOs while actual care providers are underpaid, overworked and not even given the autonomy to treat their patients in the way they and their years of schooling and expertise deem fit, astronomical costs of higher education which lead me to wonder where all this money is going and why a college degree costs so much, and so many more injustices, inequalities and unfairness in the world. I want to believe Luke Bryan's song, "I believe most people are good" but right now that's hard for me to do. Are there lots of decent, hardworking and self-sacrificing people in this world? Absolutely. Are there people advocating for social justice and real change who are out there fighting to protect the environment, the innocents, human rights, etc every day? Yes for sure. But why does it feel like despite the efforts of so many, the people who have the power to make important decisions never seem to be those people? Why is it that the filthy rich and the politicians spend all their time bickering with each other, childishly refusing to have meaningful conversations and effect change and hoarding their monies rather than actually doing something about one or all of these problems we face? If there is one who is doing something positive, it certainly isn't enough and much of it seems insincere and more like a publicity stunt to get more good press and sales rather than stemming from actual love and concern. So much seems to weigh on the upcoming election this year. And I cannot imagine how upwards of 40% of people polled still support a man who retweets racist epithets, who has a history of assaulting women, has unsavory business practices, name-calls, enflames groups in the US against each other, supports practices of separating families and making babies sleep on concrete floors in cages at the border, and does and says countless other despicable things. I'm not saying all the chaos and tragedy in the world right now is his fault. It certainly is not. He's just one more bad thing to put on the list of this year. And on top of it all, my old roommate Kialei has cancer and is having a rough go of it. I wish I were there to support her in person but I'm not. And so I just try to support from afar with calls, texts and well wishes. When my head is spinning and my heart is sad with all the negativity around me I have to just focus on what I can do. I can vote. I can try not to use plastic and to buy organic and local. I can choose to eat humanely raised and harvested meat products and choose vegetarian options. I can reach out to and befriend my black neighbors. I can plant native plants and strive to save water. I can teach my children to love and serve others. I can sign petitions. I can write to my representatives. I can pray. And I can be grateful for all the good that abounds in my family and my personal life. Grateful that I have a job that I love and that is going well and helping me learn and grow while giving me the flexibility to be home and present with my children also. Grateful for this house of ours and how it is coming along and becoming what we want it to be. Grateful for my BEAUTIFUL children and how they are learning and growing and thriving. Grateful for my husband and all he does for our family. Grateful for our health and the technology that lets us connect with our families far away. Grateful for my kids' school and the one-on-one attention and instruction they are getting and the fun they have there. And very grateful that we have been so incredibly blessed financially. We never have to worry about money. We have the luxury to eat out when we please (within reason), to buy things for our house, to pay a babysitter or buy tickets to a show (in non-COVID times) and not even think twice about it. I am indeed incredibly blessed and privileged.
Sorry, that whole thing was just one long stream of consciousness pouring out of my heart. I clearly have a lot of thoughts on my mind. Now here's a lot of pictures that tell the story of our life and what we've been doing over the past month:
Shalece told me about this great creek called Limestone Quarry. So I took the kids once on my own and we really liked it so then we went back on Eric's birthday. It's great because the bottom is limestone so it's not too muddy or gross and the water is nice and cool but shallow so I don't have to worry much about the kids and the best part: lots of shade!!
She cracks me up!
A few weekends ago our family tried camping. I say tried because by the time 10:30 pm rolled around, Emery and I bailed. It was just so hot and it was Emery's first time trying to sleep outside a crib and she just couldn't handle it. She was jumping all over Levi while he tried to sleep, opening the tent and escaping and just generally being a wild child. So I took her home and Emery and I slept in our nice comfy beds while Levi took the deflating air mattress (it had a leak) and Eric slept in the hammock.
The afternoon/evening before bed time were a lot of fun though! We got to see fireflies, eat s'mores, shoot off little light up rocket launchers, swing in the hammock, and *try* to play frisbee haha. Emery and Levi both loved it.
Marah and I hosted our first virtual activity days activity last month. I dropped off origami paper to each girl and then during the activity we took turns teaching them how to make simple origami animals. Some of the girls had a harder time than I expected following the instructions but on the whole I would say the activity was a success. We should probably do another one soon but I just don't know what to do with 8 and 9 year old girls over Zoom!
As our experience living in a COVID 19 world continues to evolve, I've started to feel comfortable doing play dates with one family at a time as long as we stay outside (unless they're family). So far we've gotten together with Shannon's family, Matt and Valerie, Shalece and her kiddos, and another lady in our ward and her daughter. It is so good to see my kids being around their cousins again! They love it and I love the chance to chat with my sisters in law.
Levi's fine motor skills continue to improve. Lauren sent us a wipeable tracing book for participating in her Usborne book Facebook party and Levi does really well with it.
The kids protecting their magnatile creations!
I took the kids with me to a local nursery to get some more mulch for our new flower bed and instead came home with not just the mulch but a new pot and snake plant for our landing as well! I just love filling my house with life.
Her hair was just too cute I had to snap a picture of it!
Friends united at last! Levi and Lincoln have both grown a lot since the last time they saw each other but they picked their friendship right up and got right to playing.
Emery and Cassidy are also just about the same size which is super fun but they're too little to really play together much yet.
The other night for FHE we just went to the park and played tag. It was such a beautiful evening! Not too hot and the kids were just having so much fun! It just makes me feel so good to spend those beautiful moments together as a family.
This is how my children eat their breakfasts. Emery drinks all the milk out of her bowl and leaves most of the cereal and Levi eats all the cereal out of his bowl and leaves most of the milk. They compliment each other so well!
My little mother hen wearing one baby and pushing two more (plus a minion) in her grocery cart!
Annual 4th of July fruit pizza! As usual, it did not disappoint!
We had Matthew and Valerie and Silva over to BBQ with us on the 4th of July. It was so nice to all be together again and it is so fun to see the girls get along and play together so well! They are just the cutest!
This morning Emery walked into my bathroom while I was getting ready and I just couldn't help but smile to see that she had put her flip flops on herself and was wearing Levi's soccer medal like a necklace. #toddlerfashion
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