Let's start with the day Levi came into the world.
I felt like I had been waiting for him for forever. Throughout my difficult pregnancy I always had a fear that something would happen to him or he would come too early. Then when I got to the point where he would almost certainly survive outside of me, I always said I was totally fine with it if he came any time. Although I wasn't ready for him in terms of not having the things that we "needed" (carseat, diapers, etc) I felt very ready to be done being nauseous and throwing up and very ready to have "my body back." Especially after I took my board exams, I was at peace with the idea that the baby could come any time. At least any time early :) But the trial of a pre-term birth was not in the cards for me. Instead, I got to wait for little one for what felt like forever. My due date came and went. My mom came up and ended up waiting around with me too. We tried to entertain each other and be patient with the fact that I was obviously not in labor- despite being already three centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. I finished the nursery, I made freezer meals (best idea ever, and incredibly helpful in these difficult weeks since Levi was born!), I bought more and more baby clothes, washed said baby clothes, and cleaned my house again and again. I kept walking every day and doing yoga and tried to emphasize positions that would help baby be in a good position for birth. I was going crazy with boredom.
My source of entertainment waiting for baby :)
Almost two weeks after my due date I had an induction scheduled for Monday morning, March 7th. I felt like there was no way I could survive that long being pregnant. I was still puking and now huger than ever. I tried natural inductions (dancing, walking, eating spicy food, etc) to no avail. I really wanted to avoid being medically induced because I wanted Levi to be able to come in his own time and on his own terms. My OBGYN was fine with waiting all the way up to the 42 week mark but had me do several non-stress tests and ultrasounds in the interim just to make sure baby was ok. Levi rocked all the non-stress tests and the ultrasounds were a huge blessing to me and to Eric. The Thursday before Levi was born we had an ultrasound up at a clinic in Portland because my regular clinic was completely booked. To our surprise and delight that clinic offered a 3-D ultrasound and we got tons of pictures of our cute little guy's face in surprising detail. I loved being able to see him so well! It helped me be patient as I waited to see him in person. The ultrasound tech gushed over how adorable he was and I just couldn't get over his chubby cheeks or the way that his hand rested under his chin like he was thinking. So cute!
The days leading up to Levi's birth I had hardly had anything that I recognized as a contraction. I knew I must be having some because I had dilated a little but for a long time, I didn't feel anything that felt like a contraction. The non-stress tests helped me to be able to recognize my contractions a little bit because I could see them happening, but my stomach felt so tight all the time, that I still could barely feel them.
Sunday morning, March 6th around 1:30 AM I woke up and had a few contractions in a row. I didn't time them or time how close together they were and I had been having random contractions intermittently the past few days that never developed into anything and I didn't want to get my hopes up so I went back to sleep. About an hour later I woke up again with another contraction but I again went back to sleep. Around 6:30 in the morning I woke up with contractions that I felt like were definitely coming consistently. I went out to the kitchen to eat something and started to time my contractions and how far apart they were on my phone. At this point, the contractions weren't what I would call painful but they were coming pretty regularly. I woke up Eric around 7:30 AM and told him about my contractions. He started to help me to time them as they gradually got a little more intense. From early in my pregnancy I knew that I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible and I really didn't want to go to the hospital and get sent home again. I knew that most of the time, labor for a first-time mom is very slow, especially in the beginning. So I stayed calm and just went about getting ready for the day. I took a shower and got dressed, pausing for each contraction to just breathe and sway in place. Swaying in a shallow semi-lunge position was most helpful for me to manage the contractions which were getting more intense. Eventually Eric convinced me that we really should go to the hospital when my contractions were coming less than 5 minutes apart. I was wavering because each contraction was only lasting about 30-45 seconds. But then I realized that with my contractions happening every 3-4 minutes, I would have to endure at least 5 of them sitting in the car on the way to the hospital. That sounded super unappealing since I was most comfortable standing, so I agreed to go before they got any closer together or longer.
We woke up my mom to say goodbye to her and headed to the hospital around 9:40 AM. On the way, Eric called the birth center to let them know we were coming. I had several contractions in the car which was super uncomfortable, especially with the bumpy road that leads up to the hospital. When we got there and parked around 10 AM, I had to stop and breathe twice for contractions just walking from the car to the door of the birthing center. That should have given me a clue as to how far along I was, but I had no idea.
The nurses at the birthing center were super nice and lead us straight back to a room. I continued to have contractions as the nurse checked us in, reviewed medical history, etc. I just stood and breathed and the nurse just asked Eric most things while I had contractions. I really didn't want to lie on the bed for the electronic fetal monitoring (EFM) but I did for a little while. It was quickly apparent that 1) baby was totally fine and 2) my contractions were coming close together and were intense. The nurse let me stand for the rest of the 20 minutes required for the initial EFM when you are admitted to the birthing center. Then midwife Holly came in and examined my cervix and told me to my shock that I was already 7 cm dilated! I cried a little bit from excitement and relief. I told Eric to text my mom and his mom and let them know. Then, pretty soon after that I am pretty sure I went into transition because I became totally focused on birthing this baby.
Eric was an amazing birth companion. I was most comfortable standing and swaying in some way although I did try several other laboring positions. He supported me in standing and reminded me to slow my breathing when it started to get away from me. He always told me how awesome of a job I was doing. I labored for a little while in the tub, which many women who give birth naturally say helps a lot, but I didn't really like it. I didn't feel like the warm water relaxed me very much, partially because I didn't like sitting and partially because I felt like I was constantly slipping downward. Eric got in the tub with me and blocked my knees and/or feet alternately to help me feel more secure but it still wasn't my favorite. Also at some point while I was in the tub, both my hands started tingling and going numb which weirded me out. Midwife Holly (who was checking in on me intermittently) told me it was because I was hyperventilating and told me to keep my vocalizations low and long. I really tried to do that but it was so hard! I was not a quiet laborer!
All the while I was laboring, I feel really blessed because I got to do it the way I wanted to do it. No IV's, no painkillers and the only monitoring was every half hour or so the nurse would come in and use a doppler to listen to baby's heartbeat while I could stay in whatever position I wanted. I really appreciated the flexibility of the hospital in allowing that.
My contractions throughout this time were about a minute long and always very close together, usually less than two minutes apart so I was not getting much of a break at all. I started to get pretty tired and my legs started to get shaky. Around 1:00 PM I started to feel like I couldn't do it anymore. I wavered about using pain medication but asked the midwife to check my cervix again before I made a decision. When she checked it, I got another welcome surprise. She told me: "Honey your cervix is all gone! You're fully dilated. It's time to push this baby out." The nurse asked me if I had an urge to push and I guess I did but it didn't feel like I expected it to. It felt kind of like I needed to have a bowel movement. By this time, the pressure was constant and I was not having what I recognized as contractions. I felt like I was just in constant pain and pressure. I couldn't tell when to push and my pushing didn't seem to do anything about the way I was feeling. I remember very little about the pushing phase except that the nurses and midwife had to tell me what to do. At one point the midwife broke the amniotic sac because it had not yet broken. There was meconium in it so they brought in a respiratory therapist for the baby which was scary for me. I had my eyes closed for a lot of this time and I'm pretty sure I said, "I can't do this" more than once. I felt like I was just pushing against an unmoving wall as the nurses lead me to try different pushing positions. I just did what they told me to do and pushed when someone coached me to because I honestly didn't feel any wavering from the intensity that let me know when I was or wasn't having contractions. At some point, (Eric told me later) my heart rate and Levi's heart rate started dropping so they put me on oxygen. The face mask made me claustrophobic and added to the trauma of what I was experiencing. Also at some point they stuck a monitor on Levi's head to monitor him more closely but I do not remember them doing that at all.
After what felt to me like an eternity (but in reality was only 19 minutes!) one of the nurses told me to "push hard!" so I gave it all I had and felt Levi's head crown. I pushed really hard again and his head came out and his whole body followed in just one movement! At 1:49 PM my son was born and came out crying! No suctioning needed despite their worries about the meconium. They stuck him straight on my chest. He was all purpley/red colored and huge! Haha. I just held him and kept stroking his sweet head and he stopped crying. I don't really remember this, but apparently Eric almost passed out when Levi was born and so a nurse made him sit down on the couch and drink some orange juice.
I was surprised after Levi came out that I was still in a ton of pain. I had thought that it would stop when he was born. Then midwife Holly told me that I had torn pretty badly so I guess that's where a lot of the pain was coming from. I did feel a big relief when the placenta came out though. I was like a free-ing feeling- no more nausea! Eric cut the cord and he and I just talked to Levi and I tried to focus on him but it was a little hard because I was still in a ton of pain.
Dr. Hall, my OBGYN came in to stitch me up right after Levi was born. They gave me a shot of pitocin in my left thigh to help stop the bleeding because I was bleeding a lot and a shot of Demerol in my right leg to help with the pain. They also gave me numbing shots to the perineum before stitching me up but those didn't seem to help. I felt like I could still feel everything Dr. Hall was doing. My legs wouldn't stop shaking so midwife Holly helped hold them still while Dr. Hall stitched. It also felt like it took forever and was very distracting from my first few minutes with baby Levi.
Finally Dr. Hall finished and I got to just lay there and be with my baby and my husband. Someone helped me nurse Levi for the first time because he hadn't latched on on his own (preview of trouble to come!!). Levi and I got to snuggle for a good while before they took him to weigh him and wash him off and stuff. Everyone kept remarking on how big he was and I just kept thinking what a good baby he was because he barely cried at all even when they laid him by himself in the warmer to weigh and examine him and when they pricked his heel for the vitamin K. I was proud of him for handling it so well. After they were done, Eric brought Levi back to me and Eric and I got to be alone with our new son.
Our first picture of baby Levi! You can see a little blood on his head from the monitor they stuck on him during the pushing phase. I love how chubby his arms are!
Me and baby snuggling. He of course has his hands by his face. He had his hands by his face in his ultrasound pictures and he still always has his hands up by his face! He just loves to suck his fingers.
Levi sleeping in his bassinet. Our hospital practices rooming in where baby and mom always stay together unless it is medically necessary to take the baby away. I loved being able to see him all the time and have him right there with me the whole time in the hospital.
Levi, Eric and I stayed in the hospital until Tuesday. Eric slept on the couch in my room and always brought Levi to me when he needed to be fed as I was not moving well at all. He also changed all of Levi's diapers because he is a rockstar husband! My mom came to visit us a lot in the hospital and held and snuggled Levi while I got some sleep. We were so glad to have her here, especially because she was able to bring Eric food so he didn't have to leave or pay for the overpriced not so tasty hospital food! After being visited by what felt like a million different people (pediatrician, lactation consultant, healthy families rep etc) we were finally cleared to go home Tuesday morning!
Levi's first outfit on the day we brought him home!
Last picture before leaving the hospital and setting out on this new adventure of parenthood at home!
