To say this week was not what I expected would be an understatement. I never imagined that I would be hospitalized because of my C Diff and I definitely never imagined that I would end up being hospitalized longer than I was when Levi was born! (ok so maybe it was only a few hours longer but still!). I mean, yes C Diff kills thousands of people in the US every year, but they are mostly older adults whereas I am a young, otherwise healthy person. But it was a like a perfect storm of situations and variables that made it impossible for my body to hold up on its own. Here's what happened.
Last weekend, my mother, brother and sister came up from California to visit us. We were so excited to see them and had a great time playing games and just being together. We learned that Levi thinks that Uncle Eric is the most hilarious person ever (especially when he holds him while doing lunges or toe raises- random!) and that Mom is really good at Small Worlds.
On Sunday afternoon, I started having abdominal pain again. I remember voicing my concern to Eric that my C Diff was back again but we both tried to brush it off hoping that it was not.
On Monday, Eric, Katie, Mom and I had planned to go to Tillamook. I still wasn't feeling quite 100% but didn't want to miss out on this opportunity to take Levi to the beach for this first time so off we went. I was really worried how Levi (and consequently all of us!) would do on the almost two hour drive out to Tillamook and I failed to bring enough water. This turned out to be perfect storm factor one: Not Enough Water.
Thankfully, Levi actually did great on the drive out there and slept a good portion of the way. We toured the cheese factory and got some awesome lunch. Unfortunately, this was a cheese factory and I was only just starting to reintroduce dairy to my diet. I think the garden cheeseburger and big scoop of really delicious icecream was actually another factor in my storm- my digestive system was not used to that. Which is a huge shame because it really was so good. I mean, I try to tell myself that my frozen greek yogurt bars from Costco are like icecream, and while they are also tasty, they are definitely not the same thing!
After the cheese factory, we went to the beach. It was beautiful, perfect weather and the sound of the waves was so wonderful. Levi, was not quite sure what to think of the beach. Haha. He definitely didn't like how bright it was, but he found the waves to be fascinating. He basically spent the whole time staring around at everything with a slight scowl on his face. It was pretty hilarious. He did give grandma some good smiles though and seemed pretty happy as long as his eyes were kept shaded.
Feeding Levi on this whole little adventure was another factor in the storm. For some reason I had failed to bring any formula or bottles with us and nursing a highly distractible baby in public, sandy, windy places with no back support whatsoever was physically exhausting and emotionally frustrating. I doubt little man got many calories during his short, wrestling match feeding sessions.
Despite these struggles we got some pretty fun pictures from the beach:
Mom's favorite thing: taking a nap on the beach
Katie's so cute and Levi's like: "what's going on?"
Love this little gremlin face!
With the Funcle
Levi couldn't take his eyes off the water! He was like, "I don't know what this stuff is but I'm not sure I approve!" Haha
Those fat cheeks!
Big smiles for grandma!
It really was so gorgeous!
By the time we got home from the beach I was EXHAUSTED and definitely starting to feel worse for the wear. It was my mother and brother's last night in town so I really wanted to play games with them but I was so tired I found myself lying on the couch in between my turns and then eventually just telling Eric what to do for me. I feel asleep before they even left but thankfully they came by in the morning to say goodbye.
That night, my diarrhea returned as did my fevers. By morning I was sure my C Diff was back and I called my doctor first thing in the morning. Thankfully they had a morning appointment available. Eric stayed home from work to be with Levi and I went to see my PCP. I was already feeling pretty sick at this time: abdominal pain, lightheaded and clammy with my heart racing. They took my temperature but must not have put it back in my mouth far enough because they told me I didn't have a fever even though I was shaking with chills. I have learned over the past few days that this is a common mistake nurses make! If you feel like you have a fever and they say you don't, have them check again and make sure the thermometer is really back in your mouth. If you feel like it isn't back far enough, move it with your tongue. Seriously, it is a big problem if they don't know how high your fever is! Anyway, if they had seen my fever it may have affected the next 24 hours, I'm not sure, but they didn't. My PCP did decide I needed some IV fluids though so I ended up with IV number one. Putting it in was adventure number one as well and took two nurses, a couple tries, a hot pack and lot deep breaths.
Little did I know this would only be the second of many, many IV attempts and blood draws over the next week.
After the IV was done, I felt a little better so my PCP sent me home with yet another stool kit and another prescription for vancomycin which she said to just go ahead and take even before we got the stool results back because "if it walks and talks like C Diff let's just assume it is."
That afternoon my condition deteriorated rapidly. I was nauseous, tired, my abdominal pain was increasing and my stool was getting worse. I got the stool kit back to my doctor fast and sure enough it tested positive for C Diff. By evening I was vomiting and having a hard time keeping anything down. I could pretty much just lie in bed and feel horrible. I asked Eric for a blessing which I believe was definitely inspired.
I made it through the night keeping down my vancomycin, and continuing to nurse Levi, determined not to lose my milk supply, but by morning I was wondering if I should be in the hospital. I was in so much pain, my heart was racing, and it was just bad. I sent a message to my PCP and she called me back and told me to go to the ER.
So off to the hospital we went. And looking back, I feel like that was an inspired decision. I've always been one of those people who is afraid of seeming weak or of exaggerating situations so I'm not someone who will easily admit that maybe I need more help but I'm scared to think about what would have happened if I had decided to stay home.
By the time we got to the ER, my abdominal pain kept me from standing up straight. They took one look at my vital signs and sent me straight back for IV fluid resuscitation. It took two nurses FIVE tries to get an IV going because I was so dehydrated. Meanwhile, my heart rate was jumping around from 120 to 150 (while I was lying on my back) and my blood pressure was in the low 90's over the 40's to low 50's. Not good. It was so painful to have them poking around my shallow veins trying to get an IV in and I was already feeling so sick and awful, I started crying. I think that was probably the lowest point for me for my whole hospital stay. Finally they got the IV in and they and Eric convinced me to let them give me some morphine for the pain. They again originally told me my temperature was normal but when I couldn't stop shaking a different nurse took my temperature, placed the thermometer correctly and found that it was 102.4! So I wasn't just shaking for no reason, good to know! They gave me Tylenol for the fever and that helped.
Meanwhile, Levi was so good for us! He slept, Eric fed him formula, he hung out in Eric's arms, and this cycle repeated. He barely cried at all even though we were there for several hours.
After three bags of fluids in the ED, Eric and I talked to the ER doc about staying the night in the hospital. I voiced my concern about my ability to stay hydrated at home since I was still nauseous and still had diarrhea (obviously). The doctors agreed with me that I needed to be admitted and looking back I am so glad that I decided to stay! So Eric took Levi home to leave him with a friend of ours for a couple hours and to get some things for me that I would need (namely my breast pump!) and I began my first experience of being hospitalized for illness. Because of the C Diff, I was placed on contact precautions meaning all hospital personnel entering my room had to wear gown and gloves. I was on continuous IV fluids meaning I was tethered to my IV pole and I was so weak that first night that I was not allowed to get up on my own for several hours for fear I would fall. Eric brought me my things but then he had to leave to stay with Levi so I was by myself for the night.
That first night, I was placed on sepsis watch because I kept spiking fevers and my heart rate would shoot up which meant that I had to have my vital signs checked every hour. What with that and pumping and having to get up to use the bathroom a lot, I didn't get much sleep. My nurse, Regi, took good care of me though and with his help (and some Zofran, Oxycodone and the continous IV fluids) by morning I was feeling a bit better.
When I was admitted to the hospital the ER doc placed me on a clear liquid diet. After a "dinner" of chicken broth and some nasty jello and a "breakfast" of apple juice I started begging to be allowed to eat something. I just knew that I needed more energy to get well and I didn't see how that was going to happen if I was barely getting any calories. By around noon my fevers had gone down and I was doing a bit better so the doctors agreed to let me try eating. They wrote orders to allow a diet change and my nurse agreed to give me free reign and just choose what sounded good to me that I felt I could handle. I think they were reassured that because this was my third time with the diff I had come to learn what would aggravate my gut and what would be ok. I was sooo excited to eat food again! I was careful, took it easy and started slow but eating definitely helped give me more energy and helped me feel better.
Being alone in the hospital was hard for me and it was especially hard for me to be away from Levi. Thanks to kind people in our ward who watched Levi for us, Eric got to visit me on both Thursday and Friday around 10 AM and then again Thursday evening around 7pm, each time for about an hour and a half. These visits helped me so much to stay positive. Eric did his best to support me, cheer me up and distract me from how awful I felt. We played Set a couple times and I owned him each time. Haha.
When Eric wasn't visiting, I spent most of my time sleeping, getting my blood drawn or my vitals taken, pumping and watching Property Brothers- which isn't nearly as good as Fixer Upper but kind of has a similar idea. It was definitely lonely being there by myself and I had a few moments of feeling a little forgotten and sorry for myself. But, thanks in part to the blessing I had received at the start of all of this, I also had moments of feeling very close to my Heavenly Father and feeling the peace of His spirit. Being alone gave me ample time to reflect on things that I haven't thought about much for a long time and that was a blessing for me.
The view from my hospital window. Only in Oregon.
Still so tired and weak but a "good morning" smile for my boys Friday morning.
I gradually continued to improve over the next day and night so by Friday morning the doctors decided to trial taking me off of the IV fluids to see how well I could stay hydrated by myself. Thankfully, the vancomycin started to kick in (finally) around noon on Friday and soon after that I was told I could go home that day! I left the hospital Friday night around 7:30pm. It was crazy to walk out of there and remember that I had absolutely no idea when I walked in on Wednesday morning that I wouldn't leave again for almost three whole days! The whole week kind of felt surreal.
It is so nice to be home with my boys again! I love being able to snuggle them both and nurse my baby and not have to pump anymore! I know I still have a long journey ahead of me but I am so grateful for the things that Heavenly Father is helping me learn about myself along the way.
