January Blues

 As usual, January seems like the longest month of the year. I seriously cannot believe that it is only the 23rd. I feel like it's been FOREVER since Christmas, not just one month and I can't believe that we still have over a week left in January! This year has started out challenging for me.

In December, we were approached by another family in our ward (the Gordons) who asked if we would like to do a nanny share with them. Cypress Creek had been non-committal about taking Isla part-time so we weren't sure they would come through for us. The Gordons have a 9-month-old daughter and after touring a couple of daycares had decided they would prefer to have a nanny. Since nannies are so expensive they proposed that we share with the girls watched at their house. I had some reservations, primarily that it would be difficult to find a nanny before my start date at work of January 18th. (oh BTW I got re-hired at my job- shocker). But the idea of having Isla be one of two babies watched rather than one of four at Cypress Creek and getting her own quiet, private sleeping place for naps was very appealing. And the Gordons live right by Levi's school so there was that convenience factor. So we decided to go for it. Eric and I sat down and figured out the budget and what we could afford to contribute. (which was highly depressing- realizing just how much we spend on childcare and how we literally would not be able to afford a good nanny on our own even if we pulled Emery from school). Anyway, once we had our number we came to the Gordons and told them and they agreed to contribute a certain amount and we nailed down the hours and we started nanny hunting in earnest. It turned out to be a bit of a disaster experience. So emotionally taxing and disappointing. Eric and I both put in hours and hours of work trying to reach out to potential nannies, posting the job on various Facebook groups and nanny sites, messaging back and forth with people. We interviewed many candidates and found several we liked. But something always happened. The Gordons found something they objected to, the nanny chose another job or we just got ghosted. There was a lot of getting hopes up and then having them dashed. At one point we even hired someone and she started with the Gordons but then they found out that she was undocumented and they didn't feel comfortable with that so they let her go. I was getting more and more stressed as we got closer and closer to my start date. Throughout this whole experience, I wasn't even sure if I should be going back to work. I already felt like I was drowning trying to stay on top of everything and I was staying home full time! But when Eric and I looked at the numbers and realized what a lifestyle change it would take for us to afford for me not to work (mostly due to the health insurance factor) and we prayed about it we decided to have me go back for now with a goal of getting to a place where I could potentially stay home with the girls full time for a while if I still want to in a few months. Anyway, so we had decided I was starting, I was doing all the pre-on-boarding stuff my work was requiring (I had to go down to Fort Worth and get drug tested and re-TB tested and stuff- lame) and we still didn't have a solid care plan in place for Isla. After one of the disappointments, I seriously felt like I was going to just have to quit my job. Which just made me feel so awful. It's one thing to chose to stay home and another thing to feel like you're being forced out of the workplace due to lack of childcare. I was just feeling a lot of anger, and disappointment, with my situation and American society in general. With the lack of paid parental leave (and with the lack of parental leave in general!), and with the lack of high-quality, affordable childcare options. I just kept thinking, if we lived in France, or Sweden, or somewhere like that this wouldn't even be an issue. I felt some solidarity with millions of other women in the US who have left the workforce since the pandemic began because of the lack of child/eldercare options (according to the Census Bureau 3.5 million mothers of young children lost their jobs, took leaves of absence, or quit when the pandemic began and many of them - over 2 million- remain out of the workforce). Daycares have closed due to COVID leaving the remaining ones with less availability (before we were considering the nanny share I had called around to daycares and only found ONE nearby that would take Isla part-time) and many parents don't feel comfortable with the group daycare, or in-person school environments due to COVID concerns and so those who can afford it are turning to nannies to care for their young children or supervise their school-aged children who are now virtual schooling making the demand for nannies that much higher and driving up pricing for them as well. We would regularly find a promisingnanny candidate, reach out and schedule an interview for the next day and before we could even interview them, they had accepted another position. It was nuts. Anyway, then a little less than two weeks ago the Gordons told us they were considering having Sara go part-time. But they didn't know if she would be able to, they didn't know when she would and once she did, they didn't know what hours she would be working. But they wanted to tell our potential nannies that they would be going part-time but the hours would be changing but they didn't know when or to what. I kind of lost my patience at that point. I mean, you can't hire a nanny like that! So anyway, very long story short, Eric called Cypress Creek again. Turns out Ms Faye (the 80+year old director) finally retired and Ms Meghan is in charge now. She told us that we could enroll Isla and even gave us a pretty good deal on the price for her going there. Significantly cheaper than what we had agreed to contribute to the nanny. Soooo we are basically back where we started with both our girls just going to go to Cypress Creek. They were supposed to start last Tuesday (the day I was supposed to start work) but last Monday Levi tested positive for COVID again (stupid omicron). Go figure. And I had a sore throat as well. I again felt frustrated, angry, depressed. Here we are, almost 2 years after COVID started affecting the world and there are still no solutions or supports for working families. Levi would be out of school for the next 10 days and the pediatrician recommended that we keep the girls home as well as a precaution (quite justified and we agreed). So we were facing almost two weeks again of trying to figure out how to both work and take care of our children- and again it's not like we can call on family or friends for help because the kids have COVID! Thankfully I was able to call my work and get my start date pushed back a week which will leave us with just one day of me working and us having to flex our hours and watch our kids at the same time. So that was a good thing. But this was still a hard week. It's just challenging to be stuck at home with the kids all day not being able to go anywhere. We couldn't even go outside because it was VERY cold and windy this week with "feels like" temperatures in the 20s most days. My ministering sister texted me on Thursday and asked how everyone is feeling. I responded "the kids feel: 

• Inquisitive: what are we doing today? And after that? When can you play with us?! When will you be done...?
• Accusatory: He not sharing! She snatched it from me! 
• Energetic: Running literal laps around the downstairs while I yell at them to be careful of the baby, jumping on the couch, the coffee table, the pillows they strew about the downstairs
• Bored: What can we doooooo? Can we watch something? (about 50x/day)"

I think I've just been feeling overwhelmed with being pulled in so many directions at once. Trying to juggle the housework (sooooo many constant messes), laundry, menu planning, grocery ordering, baby feeding and changing and comforting, children teaching (Thanks to holidays and COVID Levi has only been in school 7 days in the past month!) and entertaining, and mediating of conflicts. Someone is always in need of something from me. Even our robot vacuum (which my in-laws so kindly and generously gifted me for Christmas) is always getting lost and needing me to help it find its way back to the dock. All while I've been struggling with the side effects of what I'm pretty sure is a COVID infection in myself- a very sore throat which has slowly turned into a dry cough and lost voice along with nasal congestion and fatigue. And also there's the aspect that it's winter and my whole mood and energy level tend to take a dive in January and February when the whole world is gray and brown and nothing is growing or flowering or beautiful here. Our yard, once a place of pride and beauty for me has gone into hibernation and is now just a barren patch of tans and browns- a depressing waste that calls out to be pruned back and prepped for the spring that I can't wait to come although it feels like an eternity away. 

Anyway, I've just been feeling down. I'm hopeful that this Omicron wave gets done quickly and the weather starts warming up a little and we can get back to doing things and going places again. 

This is us this past week: Mess all around, Emery dressed up in a costume (when I can get her to change out of her pajamas at all) and both kids and me slightly grumpy. 

Snapshots of my Children

Since this blog is like a journal for me, I want to make sure I capture the things I hope I remember. For me right now, the most important and brightest part of my life is my BEAUTIFUL children. Here's a little bit about them right now:

Levi

• Qualified for the Gifted and Talented program at his school recently. He scored in the 99th percentile in non-verbal reasoning and 98th percentile in quantitative reasoning. I continue to be blown away by the way he is able to solve math problems in his head because of the way he is able to picture and think about numbers and quantities. The other day I tried to teach him how to add larger numbers using the "carry the one" technique, but he didn't use it. He could just add them using his own mental strategies- which are different than mine but work perfectly. 
• Enjoys building with Legos, playing and talking about Pokemon and playing games as a family like Tokaido, Takenoko, Splendor, and 60 Second City.
• His favorite parts about school are PE and STEAM class. 
• Always, always, always has a messy room. It's like chaos just follows him all on its own. Things jump off of shelves and out of bins and he just can't seem to help it.
• Is best friends with Kyler Thompson and loves spending time with him both at and outside of school. 
• Has the funny but somewhat inappropriate habit of calling everyone (including me and Eric) "girl" or "dude".
• Is never still, often stands to eat or write and is always putting things in his mouth. 

Emery

• Is still doing speech therapy (walk-in at the school) and is getting much better with her articulation but still usually calls yogurt "yogrit" and yellow "wellow" and gets really mixed up about when to use "is" and when to use "are" (ex: where are he?!)
• Is very chatty but also has a bad habit of still just whining and making "baby sounds" when she wants something. 
• Likes to wear her brother's clothes (especially his pajamas to bed!) and play with him whenever he's home.
• Hates having her hair put up and always wants it down. Also refuses to let me get it cut because she wants it long.
• Loves treats and is always asking "can I have a treat?" or "Can I have zert? (dessert)"
• Has a huge imagination, likes to dress up like a princess (complete with dress, necklace and shoes) and loves to play pretend. Has imaginary friends usually named Silva or Maren.
• Likes to do things herself and likes to tell other people what to do as well. 
• LOVES her gymnastics class which she does every Saturday morning. 

Isla 

• Is constantly drooling and soaks through several bibs and shirts a day. 
• Has the best smiles- especially when I go to get her out of her crib after a nap or when she wakes up in the morning.
• Has claws for nails despite my best efforts to file them and keep them short.
• Can roll to her side now and is getting good at grabbing her hanging toys and trying to put them in her mouth although she can get frustrated when she can't get them as far into her mouth as she wants.
• Is very alert and always wants to watch the action and thus prefers to be held sitting up and facing out.
• Is really good about going down for her naps (mostly) on her own after being swaddled and given her binkie but tends to only sleep for 40-45 minutes at a time. Sleeps really well at night (knock on wood) and usually goes to bed around 8, wakes up between 2-4 am to eat and then sleeps again until 6:30 or 7 when I will feed her and she usually goes back to sleep until 7:30-9am.  
• Startles and cries to loud noises and especially dislikes my sneezes, the blender, and Emery's Frozen karaoke microphone. 

Christmas Photo Dump

 Well with everything going on, I never did post about Christmas. It was a good Christmas, so nice to do Christmas Eve with the whole Martino clan again except for poor Matthew and Valerie's family because Matthew came down with COVID on Christmas Eve. 

Merry Christmas from my cutest Isla Sage! 

Took the kids to see the holiday lights a few days before Christmas. It was one of those things that sounds so fun and magical but in reality kind of turns out to be something my kids find rather long and boring. Emery just kept wanting to get out of the car even though it was freezing. We finally did get out at the last (and thankfully best and most awesome) house. 

At the annual Martino bowling party these cute girls just had fun playing ring-around-the-rosy over and over again. 

Maren isn't pictured here because poor girl had a bit of a traumatic accident and slipped while carrying a bowling ball which then fell and crushed her thumb. There was screaming, crying, and blood everywhere- especially all over poor Shannon's shirt. Thank goodness Joseph was there and he was able to take control of the situation and then go with Blake and Shannon and Maren to the ER where it turned out Maren had broken the bone in her thumb, lost her nail and needed stitches. It was quite the incident but thankfully none of the little girls seemed too traumatized by it. 

Nativity play Christmas Eve. I missed the beginning of it because I was nursing Isla but the part I did see was so cute lite always. 

The kids were all super hyped up on Christmas and the fun of cousins and treats and stockings but in the midst of all the crazy, I did manage to get one picture of these girls together.